My new work philosophy:

Always give 100% at work...

12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And remember...

When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.

Now get back to work.

Laugh of the week

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts theywere able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in anothercity.
The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built inthe house."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and youknow she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I metthispreacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him.I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Lord Of the Rings

To all LOTR fans out there ere are some sound tracks which i manage to upload ok maybe not sum but the 3 cd s i manage to get hold off so feel free to dln but remember always support originals huh so pls delete em after 24 hours huh (copyright leh) so b nice n have a great week ahead......ww out!!

http://s15.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=29D28CC849EC4CCEF57176B148D3703E

Dam language is crazy

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipi no - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku ci nta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata

Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingerswhen signing 'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe

Comp brain washing me.......lol

Dam i still can figure out how this works but the dam comp is readin my brain wth.........!!!!

http://www.dslextreme.com/users/exstatica/psychic.swf

Dir en grey

Ok ppl i knoe its been days since i update this page soree man was busy with work since now the enginners are assigned to role out PC s in branches hence we admin ppl have to settle things out a few days before they go.

Anyway for those of u hu are big fans of Die en grey, i ve manage to upload their MACABER Tour 2000 - 2001 (CD1) so jus click on the link n download as soon as possible only bout 10 - 20 are allowed to download it. Will upload the second CD hopefully by next week. K later ppl.........cchungww out!!

http://s7.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=B3718A1BF8B2692BDD122F34FF48BB50

Lead guitarist rules

And before you ask here is my list of 10 reasons why lead guitarists rule.

1. Lead guitarists always have the last note.

2. Lead guitarists have the unique ability to play the most technically demanding solo and win a gurning competition at the same time

3. Lead guitarists have an obligation to play their latest twiddly bit while the frontman introduces the next song (this is normally done with their back to the audience)

4. Bass players can slap their instruments, lead guitarists can slap their bass players.

5. Lead guitarists can always find a plectrum about their person, even when they're not near a
guitar

6. Lead guitarists can move their mouths in perfect synchronisation with the Wah Wah pedal

7. Lead guitarists understand that too much is never enough

8. Lead guitarists can break steel strings with their bare fingers ( sometimes more than once a night)

9. Lead guitarists can make more mistakes per second than any other member of the band

10. Lead guitarists have been heard to utter (and understand) the following: "on the C to G you play C C C G G except the bass E E E E E against the drum bum bum bash bum and I'll play the fast bit, OK let's try it"

Dam I love tis little piggy........

Imagine ur the adult piggy hahahha....really give ur kid char.....

http://www.kpworld.com/jktj/flash/duihua.swf

TRUE , RIGHT OR ACCURATE ?

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING A HONGKIE
1. We're Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our icon.
4. We can live in 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment.
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung Chee Hwa or the mainland communists(china).
7. No one can threaten Hong Kong, except the few expatriate from Cathay Airlines (Pilots) who are now on strike.
8. Gambling is more interesting than sex, that's why we're Hongkies.
9. We produce a lot of Ms.Hong Kong to the enjoyme! nt of the rich and famous.

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING A SINGAPOREAN
1. We're not Chinese
2. Everyone (especially the Malaysian) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road.
4. We have our own island.
5. Proud of our world class Airport, world class MRT, world class airline, world class telco......score "one" against Manchester Utd but pay back 8 in return.
6. We know how to spell 'Salvatore Ferragamo'.
7. We know how to enjoy our vacation in M'sia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: You can throw anything,anytime,anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl "Do you have CPF?"
9. Never fear of getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get you into the sea.
10. We'll never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right coz Govt will find one for us.
11. 1 Sing dollar = 2.2 ringgit.....nyeh-nyeh-nyeh...
12. It's OK to be Kiasu. It's part of our culture.

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING AN INDONESIAN
1. We are not Australian.
2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia.
3. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude the Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries....
5. We can blame everything to Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or....anyone...
6. Only in Indonesia you can get involved in real demonstrations daily for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just b'coz IMF say so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn
9. We don't need fire-fighters as our neighbours will provide...

GOOD REASONS BEING A MALAYSIAN
1. World tallest Building, Best F1 circuit, biggest pewter mug,highest standard of university admission...coz Malaysia Boleh !
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the handphone, adjusting radio and bribing the cop at the same time.
3. Divorce by sending SMS.
4. Traffic summoned can be settled on the spot with the cop.
5. Teh Tarek & Roti Canai is the favourite supper.
6. We can save a lot of electricity b'coz our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or opposition parties or.....
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others watching.......
9. We make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lan! e highway and back to 2 lane when cops are sighted
10. There's always something for the JKR to do. They dig, resurface the road, dig and resurface........
11. All main roads are designated highway coz it gives Samy Velu a reason to collect toll.
12. Our Govt. can never be wrong.

What we may get when we fly cheap airlines ....

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Mr chin chye lai)
welcoming you on board..... I apologise if I cannot see you...can see nothing from my cockpit anyway, lights not working....

We apologise for the delay in taking off, some minor problem, just replaced the engine, new engine cannibalised from the aircraft that decided to take a swim in the south china sea...

This is flight 126 from Senaisini to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the region. And if luck is on our side, we may even be landing on your village!

Standards are such that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure that I announce that starting this year over 50 of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quite make it, our staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our stewardess, Anjali, will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary samosas and lassi. For our not- so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God.

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie "Hands off my chutney" will not be shown, as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying alongside Singapore Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

We regret to advise that smoking is prohibited on this flight. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the Aunties and swimming shorts to the Uncles.......it is likely that you will need them later.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. For those of you who don't have a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with our stewardess, Anjali, who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase, otherwise suka lu lah....

If I don't see you again, enjoy your flight with Air chin chye.

Thank you!

Super Resumes

1st Super Resume

Name : English or Chinese?
Age : Confidential
Height : Not related to the job
Weight : Varies all the time, before lunch or after
Address : At what stage of my life, please be more specific
Tel : Ericsson
Email : Only give to pretty and rich girls
Working Hrs : The shorter the better
Apply for position: A post that has not much to do but surround by pretty and young girls
Qualification : Graduated at the wild chicken university
Language : Fluent in bullshits
Hobby : Sleeping and sleeping
Experience : Fooling around all the time
Previous position: Decent or not decent, please be more specific
Married status: Still looking for a rich and beautiful girl,
hopefully can find in your company
Hope : Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible
Expected : Lesser workload the better

2nd Super Resume

Name : Given by parents
Age : Not young lah
Height : Very tall
Weight : Average
Address : My home
Tel : In my pocket
Email : My fren help my to apply
Working Hrs : 8 hours
Apply for position: one position only
Qualification : If I managed to graduated, should be High School level
Language : Can speak well
Hobby : A lot
Birthday : Not yet
Experience : I step on dog shit before step into your office
Married status: My parents got married
Hope : To find another good job
Expected : Everyone will love me

Typical China Man

The Ah Beng story.....

There was once an Chinese man called Ah Beng who was involved in terrible car accident. In the hospital, when he gained his consciousness, he called out for the nurse to know what had happened to him. “I'm very sorry, sir, but you had involved in a very bad car crash". "Car crash! Tiu!! My Marcelly (aka Mercedes ) ! My Marcelly! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically. "Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries. You've lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it", she said apologetically. “I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex piu leh!" "Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition and all your family are here to see you". He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them.

"Wife, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you"
"Son, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you"
"Daughter, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
“Well," said Ah Beng thoughtfully, "if all of you are here, WHO THE HELL IS LOOKING AFTER THE SHOP?!!! TIU NIA SENG!!!"

Memo to all employees

Tribute to those hu are fet up of their jobs pls read the below memo hahhaa......

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others.

We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING G LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).


Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)


Thank you for your time. !
Sincerely,

The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).

Multi-Purpose FutureCard

The multi-purpose FutureCard will be the version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library...what ever you do with the card...you will be tracked! It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad, depending the situation) However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

Ah Beng's FutureCard ( Likely Scenerio )

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut Geylang. May I have your..."

Ah Beng: "Haloo, arh...can I orler huh..."

Operator: "Can I have your Future Card number first, Sir?"

Ah Beng: "It's arh..., hold on prease, arh..... S6102-0499-54610FC"

Operator: "OK... you're... Tan Ah Beng alias 'Or Kwee Tao' and you're calling from17-D Lorong 14, Geylang. Your home number is 6782 8828, your office 67828838 and your mobile is 96828848. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Ah Beng: "Home lah! Wah Lan...How you get all my phone lumbers, arh?"

Operator: "We are connected to the 'FutureCard' system Sir"

Ah Beng: "OK lah, okay lah...Can I orler your Seafood Pisar..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Ah Beng: "Why....Cannot arh?"

Operator: "According to your latest medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Ah Beng: "What?...Wah Lan!....medical lecords also hab... you lecommend lah?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Ah Beng: "Wah...How you know I like Hokkien mee, arh?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Ah Beng: "OK...OK...Buay Ta Han... I give up... Gif me three family sized ones then, how much arh?

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $45..."

Ah Beng: "I pay by FutureCard...Can or Not ?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $6720.55- since October last year"

Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!... Everything also know...chiat lat!"

Operator: "That's not including the late payment charges on yourhousing loan Sir.

Ah Beng: "Okay lah...I run to ATM and withdraw some cash before you come my house lor"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today....with the latest withdrawal of $250 for 4D and TOTO at 2.46pm"

Ah Beng: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I borrow money from my Ah Mah. How long arh?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle...it'll be ready in 15 mins and you are only 5 mins away"

Ah Beng: "Where got transport?"

Operator: "According to the details in your FutureCard", you own a Honda Scooter,...registration number FE 3288..."

Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!"

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Ah Beng: [Speechless and calms down after being reminded of the brush with the law]

Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"

Ah Beng: "Nothing... by the way... still got stock of that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised or not?"

Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Ah Beng: [Heard cursing away as he slams down the phone and telling his family he is going to the Hawker Centre to 'Tar Pow']

Work

Yea ere I m again at 0830 hour in the office blogging as I have nothing else better to do and Mesiniaga is paying me by the hour to sit ere n rot n surf the net lol.......Yeap working u didnt c dat wrong I m working now rite after the torture of our Physiology paper on the 2nd Nov 2004....Found it a bit funny as I was hired the day I went fer an interview n the best thing bout filling the dam form was to write an essay n the remark I got from the boss (not mentioning his name) was " Wa u finish fillling in the form very fast ar...."

Yea so maybe I should thank Miss Alison fer giving us the essay on the Visit to a Pharmacy, so wat I did was jus to blab out the whole essay again about the troubles both me and Ching Ying went through to get the dam Pharmacist to help us ans the dam paper.......Anyway done wit dat jus hoping to earn enough from work to get my pedals.......cant wait jus feel its dam close now hahhaha.....

So soree fer the delay of updating tis page more frequently and also my camera still is in the progress of repairing....sigh.....duno how long those IDOTs are gonna take to reapair it....seems like fer ever. The best thing bout them was about the call they promise to inform me bout wats goin on and the repair price fer my cam yea if u guys are reading tis I m still waiting fer the dam call dun make me look fer u guys.......Not to mention the person hu was handling my cam case speaks to me in English but he tot I m some Chinese edu person and starts impressing me with his English.....BLUEK......"Hey dude cannot speak English speak Canton la I understand one k summore speak so slow like I cant understand wat ur toking....."

Well hopefully I ll b able to get some pictures of this work place ere in the middle of the busy area of Masjid Jamek fer u guys to take a peep......