Where can i get it dead cool =P

Stupid ANSWERS fer stupid QUESTIONS

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
>-------------------------------------------------
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
>-------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went
into extra time.
>-------------------------------------------------
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
>-------------------------------------------------
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor; I'll have a scotch and soda."
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes si r, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
>-------------------------------------------------
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
>-------------------------------------------------
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
>-------------------------------------------------
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
>-------------------------------------------------
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
>-------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
>-------------------------------------------------
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
>-------------------------------------------------
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
>-------------------------------------------------
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
>-------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went
into extra time.
>-------------------------------------------------
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
>-------------------------------------------------
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor; I'll have a scotch and soda."
>-------------------------------------------------
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes si r, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
>-------------------------------------------------
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
>-------------------------------------------------
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
>-------------------------------------------------
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
>-------------------------------------------------
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
>-------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
>-------------------------------------------------
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
>-------------------------------------------------
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

English men need English lessons??? Where s Miss Allison........she is needed in London not IMU

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS


In an London office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


Outside a London secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in London health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR


Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES


Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS


On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)


People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world.


At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.


Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.


Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.


In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.


In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

Question: What exactly is a bastard?

Quite often we ask ourselves hard to answer questions, like, “What is a bastard?”


And we wax philosophic with metaphysical postulations, incomplete aphorisms, and inconsistent sophisms that make one more and more sure that the only true thing is that a picture is worth a thousand words.


In this photo, the guy on the right is a member of a bomb squad in the middle of a deactivation.


The guy behind him, well, he's a bastard.

MALAYSIAN UNIVERSITY QUALIFYING EXAM (STPM)

How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently when during your grandfather's time only 10% would have passed !?

Are students getting smarter ? Or are STPM questions getting easier ?

Let me put things in their proper perspective.During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like: In what year was the kingdom of Melaka founded by Parameswara?

The correct answer is "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people. I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail ? So later, they found another way to ask the same question:

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:

(a) 2001

(b) 2004

(c) 1986

(d) 1975

(e) 1402

Tick the correct answer. The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402 - True or false ?

Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:

Read the following sentence carefully:

"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402." Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka.

60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Hooiyoh... 60% managed to pass! So krever! But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:

One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?

13% handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee" (instant noodles), and 10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Tree bark". The official answer was "Food" of course! After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%... now that's pretty impressive! So it's true.

The students are indeed getting smarter.

What is the truenst defiition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess

with an Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in a French tunnel,

driving a German car

with a Dutch engine,

driven by a Belgian who was drunk

on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,

on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor,

using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an Englishman,

using Bill Gates's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,

that use Taiwanese chips,

and a Korean monitor,

assembled by Bangladeshi workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported by Indian lorry-drivers,

hijacked by Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization!

INTERESTING, and important to know...

ASSMA - Severe rashes around the mouth caused by kissing too much ass. The No. 1 disease in Malaysia. Civil servants are unusually at risk.

DIALARRHOEA - Uncontrollable urge to continually dial friends on mobile phone to share with them such important information as "I'm now on the LRT" or "I'm walking Towards the car." Victims can be recognized by large, twitching thumb.

MEESLES - Blotchy skin condition caused by eating too many packets of instant noodles.

MULTIPLE SPOUSOSIS - Affliction whereby victims make frequent trips to Thailand, Indonesia, and China to take on additional brides. Middle-aged men are at significant risk.

TOTONUS - Flushed complexion, high blood pressure and sometimes depression at finding out one has not touched lottery.

HEAVYTITIS - Excessively large breasts. This disease comes in several variant strains: Heavytitis A, Heavytitis B, Heavytitis C and sometimes Heavytitis DD.

FURGIN - when you haven't been shagged for such a bloody long time you don't bother trimming your pubes in anticipation anymore.

CYBERTENSION - Feelings of stress and panic caused by lack of internet access.

DYEBETES - A compulsive need to colour one's hair. Reddish brown tints are the most common symptom, but health authorities have reported a new strain of blond highlights.

CHICKEN TOX - Victims exhibit a great need to talk cock. Incurable and highly contagious. Spread by ordinary conversation, and may be exacerbated by good food and alcohol. Politicians and lawyers are especially susceptible. Incurable.

Cooking For Engineers

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle, when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike, when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary, and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...

"Try doing it with the engine running"

8 random jokes of the day

1) Bill Gate's Speech

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you agree, pass it on.


2) Feel the Jadoooooooooo! ! !

Note: Please cover the mobile screen or it wouldn't be as much fun.... please

In your mobile phone,

Go to

1] write messages,
2] Activate the English Dictionary
3] Then hide your mobile screen with ur Hand
4] And then type this number 434680786709278464084630 (without leaving any Spaces between them) .

Now read the screen.
enjoy!!


3) Three Little Powerful Words...

Description:

The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship. These are just three little BUT VERY POWERFUL words !!!

I'll Be There

If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we're truly present for other people, important things happen to them & us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.


I Miss You

Perhaps more marriages could be saved & strengthened if couples simply & sincerely say to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired & loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."


I Respect You / I Trust You

Respect and trust is another way of showing love. Its conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds & become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships


Maybe You're Right

This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting maybe "I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.


Please Forgive Me

Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.


I Thank You

Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.


Count On Me

A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating "you can count on me."


Let Me Help

The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.


I Understand You

People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing relationship. This applies to any relationship.


Go For It

We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to "go for it."


I Love You

Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted.Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words "I love you."


4) The problems with some GIRLS:

If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her;

If u Don't, she says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;

If u Don't, she says u are from CHENNAI.

If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET,! she says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE;

If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.

If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't make love with her., she says! u don't Love her;

If u do!! she says u are CHEAP.

If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.

If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;

If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;

If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLELADY.

If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;

If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;

If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

& sooo hard to please!!!!!

If u send this to girls, they will swear that it's not true.......

but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....

The moral of the story is.......SEND THIS TO GIRLS OUT THERE ANYWAY... Send it to boys also, gives them some laughter ...

Words to remember for a while

Cheers!!!!!


5) Thts wht guys deserve

Boy (Proposing): I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.

Girl (Rejecting): I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!

---

Boy: Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.

Girl: So, how many times did you fail kinder garden?

---

Boy: Are your legs tired? Because you been running through my mind ALL day long.

Girl: Yes, they are. I've been running away from you!

---

Boy: Are you lost? Because it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.

Girl: How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?

---

Boy: Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?

Girl: Yeah.. why don't you walk by and just keep walking!

---

Boy: What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.

Girl: What are you on? Crack or cocaine?

---

Boy: Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.

Girl: (too corny.. maybe a disgusted look would enough)

---

Boy: You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.

Girl: You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!

---

Boy: If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.

Girl: So, that's your problem.. simple algebra!


6) Classic Definitions and Cool Meanings:

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other!!!!

2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test

3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters!!

4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage...

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"!!!!

6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present!!!

7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece...

8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power...

9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage!!!

10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on...

11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before...

12. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life!!!!

15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth!!!

16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes!!!

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river!!!!

23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist: - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father: A banker provided by nature!!!

27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early!!!!!

29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer: One who gets paid for reading such mails......!!


7) ~~Freindship Proverbs~~

1. Books and friends should be few but good.

2. A friend in need is a friend indeed. (Latin Proverb)

3. A good friend is my nearest relation.

4. A hedge between keeps friendship green.

5. God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself.

6. Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.

7. Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice.

8. The best of friends must part.Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.

9. To have a friend, be a friend. (Chinese Proverb)

10. The death of a friend is equivalent to the loss of a limb. (German Proverb)

11. Life without a friend is like death without a witness. (Spanish Proverb)

12. The best mirror is an old friend.

13. May there always be work for your hands to do, may your purse always hold a coin or two. May the sun always shine on your windowpane, may a rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you, may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you. (Irish Blessing)

14. A cheerful friend is like asunny day spreading brightness all around. ( English Astronomer )

15. THERE ARE MANY TYPES OF SHIPS. THERE ARE WOODEN SHIPS ,PLASTIC SHIPS, AND METAL SHIPS. BUT THE BEST AND MOST IMPORTAINT TYPES OF SHIPS ARE FRIENDSHIPS. (OLD IRISH QUOTE)

16. The only unsinkable ship is FRIENDSHIP.

17. A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. (Arabian Proverb)

18. It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers. (Persian Proverb)


8) Humour

At a doctors surgery one morning a patient arrives complaining of serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him"What the hell did you do to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?" He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor!"

Tis kid is good......

Ted is 7-yr old n he's very bad in essay writing. one day the teacher asked the class to write a 500-word essay base on any title they like. Ted thought real hard n finally he started his essay:

Titled: Composition - my lost cat

One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the street n started calling:
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty kitty..." but she never comes back, that's how i lost my cat.
(510 words)

Test ur typing Skills =)

Typequick.com

YOUR RESULTS ARE:
Number of words typed: 157
Test duration: 3 min
Speed: 52.4 words/min. (262 keystrokes/min.)
Error penalty: 13
Accuracy: 91.7%

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