The SHYT List
The Ghost Shit-
The kind where you feel shit come out; see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
The Clean Shit-
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there’s no shit on the toilet paper.
The Wet Shit-
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Wet Cheeks Shit-
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.
The Liquid Shit-
That's the sort where yellowish brown liquid shoots out of your arse, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time burning your tender anus.
The Mexican Food Shit-
In a class of it's own.
The Marketing Shit-
A turd which is special to SEP, BME and SEE in which there is so much shit coming out that you lose 5 stone in the process.
The Second Wave Shit-
This shit happens when you think you've finished, your pants are
up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some
more.
The Brain Haemorrahage through your nose Shit-
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn Shit-
No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log Shit-
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The Notorious Drinker Shit-
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The 'Gee-I-really-wish-I-could' Shit-
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
The Power Dump Shit-
The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.
The Liquid Plumber Shit-
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln
Log Shit.
The Spinal Tap Shit-
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
The 'I-think-I'm-giving-birth-through-my-asshole' Shit-
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tallboy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge Shit-
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices:
(a) Flush and keep going, or
(b) Risk it pilling up to your butt while you sit there, helpless.
The 'I'm-going-to-chew-my-food-better' Shit-
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The 'I-think-I'm-turning-into-a-bunny' Shit-
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashy sounds when they hit the water.
The 'What-the-hell-died-in-here' Shit-
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out a-gagging and a-gasping for air.
The 'I-just-know-there's-a-turd-still-dangling-there' Shit-
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
CONGRATULATIONS U HAVE JUS GRADUATED FROM THE SCHOOL OF SHYT
The kind where you feel shit come out; see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
The Clean Shit-
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there’s no shit on the toilet paper.
The Wet Shit-
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Wet Cheeks Shit-
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.
The Liquid Shit-
That's the sort where yellowish brown liquid shoots out of your arse, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time burning your tender anus.
The Mexican Food Shit-
In a class of it's own.
The Marketing Shit-
A turd which is special to SEP, BME and SEE in which there is so much shit coming out that you lose 5 stone in the process.
The Second Wave Shit-
This shit happens when you think you've finished, your pants are
up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some
more.
The Brain Haemorrahage through your nose Shit-
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn Shit-
No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log Shit-
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The Notorious Drinker Shit-
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The 'Gee-I-really-wish-I-could' Shit-
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
The Power Dump Shit-
The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.
The Liquid Plumber Shit-
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln
Log Shit.
The Spinal Tap Shit-
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
The 'I-think-I'm-giving-birth-through-my-asshole' Shit-
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tallboy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge Shit-
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices:
(a) Flush and keep going, or
(b) Risk it pilling up to your butt while you sit there, helpless.
The 'I'm-going-to-chew-my-food-better' Shit-
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The 'I-think-I'm-turning-into-a-bunny' Shit-
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashy sounds when they hit the water.
The 'What-the-hell-died-in-here' Shit-
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out a-gagging and a-gasping for air.
The 'I-just-know-there's-a-turd-still-dangling-there' Shit-
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
CONGRATULATIONS U HAVE JUS GRADUATED FROM THE SCHOOL OF SHYT
posted by cchungww at 8:15 PM
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